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CONDOM(1) EUNUCH Programmer's Manual CONDOM(1)
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condom - Protection against viruses and prevention of child
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condom [options] [processid]
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_condom_ provides protection against System Transmitted
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Viruses (STVs) that may invade your system. Although the spread of
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such viruses across a network can only be abated by aware and cautious
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users, _condom_ is the only highly-effective means of preventing
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viruses from entering your system (see celibacy(1)). Any data passed
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to _condom_ by the protected process will be blocked, as specified by
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the value of the -s option (see OPTIONS below). _condom_ is known to
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defend against the following viruses and other malicious
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o Herpes Simplex (genital varieties)
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When used alone or in conjunction with pill(1), sponge(1),
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foam(1), and/or setiud(3), _condom_ also prevents the conception of a
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child process. If invoked from within a synchronous process, _condom_
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has, by default, an 80% chance of preventing the external processes
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from becoming parent processes (see the -s option below). When other
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process contraceptives are used, the chance of preventing a child
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process from being forked becomes much greater. See pill(1),
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sponge(1), foam(1), and setiud(3) for more information.
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If no options are given, the current user's login process (as
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determined by the environment variable USER) is protected with a
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Trojan rough-cut latex condom without a reservoir tip. The optional
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'processid' argument is an integer specifying the process to protect.
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NOTE: _condom_ may only be used with a hard disk. _condom_
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will terminate abnormally with exit code -1 if used with a floppy
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disk (see DIAGNOSTICS below).
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The following options may be given to _condom_...
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-b BRAND BRANDs are as follows...
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-m MATERIAL The valid MATERIALs are...
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membrane -- WARNING! The membrane option is _not_
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endorsed by the System Administrator General as an
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effective barrier against certain viruses. It is
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supported only for the sake of tradition.
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-f FLAVOR The following FLAVORs are currently supported...
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-r Toggle reservoir tip (default is no reservoir tip)
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-s STRENGTH STRENGTH is an integer between 20 and 100 specifying
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the resilience of _condom_ against data passed to
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_condom_ by the protected process. Using a larger
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value of STRENGTH increases _condom_'s protective
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abilities, but also reduces interprocess communication.
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A smaller value of STRENGTH increases interprocess
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communication, but also increases the likelihood of a
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security breach. An extremely vigorous process or
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one passing an enormous amount of data to _condom_
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will increase the chance of _condom_'s failure. The
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default STRENGTH is 80%.
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-t TEXTURE Valid TEXTUREs are...
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lubricated (provides smoother interaction between
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WARNING: The use of an external application to _condom_ in
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order to reduce friction between processes has been proven in
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benchmark tests to decrease _condom_'s strength factor! If execution
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speed is important to your process, use the '-t lubricated' option.
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_condom_ terminates with one of the following exit codes...
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-1 An attempt was made to use _condom_ on a floppy disk.
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0 _condom_ exited successfully (no data was passed to
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the synchronous process).
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1 _condom_ failed and data was allowed through. The
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danger of transmission of an STV or the forking of a child
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process is inversely proportional to the number of other
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protections employed and is directly proportional to
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the ages of the processes involved.
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_condom_ is NOT 100% effective at preventing a child process
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from being forked or at deterring the invasion of a virus (although
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the System Administrator General has deemed that _condom_ is the most
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effective means of preventing the spread of system transmitted
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viruses). See celibacy(1) for information on a 100% effective program
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for preventing these problems.
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Remember... the use of sex(1) and other related routines
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should only occur between mature, consenting processes. If you must
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use sex(1), please employ _condom_ to protect your process and your
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synchronous process. If we are all responsible, we can stop the
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The original version of _condom_ was released in Roman times
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and was only marginally effective. With the advent of modern
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technology, _condom_ now supports many more options and is much more
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The current release of _condom_ was written by Ken Maupin at
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the University of Washington (maupin@cs.washington.edu) and was last
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celibacy(1), sex(1), pill(1), sponge(1), foam(1), and