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From xxxxxxxxx Tue Nov 18 22:51:52 1997
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Wed, 19 Nov 1997 08:29:53 +1000 (EST)
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Date: Wed, 19 Nov 1997 08:29:53 +1000 (EST)
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Subject: forwarded humour (fwd)
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Message-ID: <Pine.SUN.3.91.971119082928.27704B-100000@axiom.maths.uq.edu.au>
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Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII
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Subject: political cows
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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>BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes
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>them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared
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>for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the
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>government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as
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>much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
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>FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to
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>take care of them, and sells you the milk.
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>PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take
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>care of them, and you all share the milk.
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>RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of
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>them, but the government takes all the milk.
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>DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
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>SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines
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>you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
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>MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
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>PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
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>REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors
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>pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
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>AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two
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>cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached
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>for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".
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>BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps'
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>brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
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>BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates
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>what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you
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>not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other
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>and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms
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>accounting for the missing cows.
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>ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or
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>your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.
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>CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
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>HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them
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>to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your
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>brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with
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>associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax
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>deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are
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>transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company
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>secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all
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>seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says
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>that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
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>Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shui is bad.
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>ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you
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>from milking or killing them.
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>FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.
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>TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them
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>and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
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>POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of
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>"ownership" is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war-mongering, intolerant
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>past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of
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>non-specified gender.
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>COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man.
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>You got to have some of this milk.
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>SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to
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>take harmonica lessons
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doc/sample6.txt
